Parenting in a Large Family: Secrets of Success

Raising a large family with 3 or more children comes with its own unique rewards and challenges. While it can be chaotic at times, embracing certain strategies and mindsets can help make the parenting journey in a big family more manageable and enjoyable. Here are some secrets to finding success as a parent in a large household.

Embrace the Chaos

With lots of young children running around, there is bound to be a certain lively chaos in homes with large families. Rather than trying to control the chaos completely, accept that a busy, bustling household is part of the territory. Structure and routine are still important, but allowing for some constructive disorder as part of daily life can make things more relaxed. Lean into the chaos and focus more on making memories.

Get Creative with Scheduling 

Trying to get everyone where they need to be when managing a big family's schedule can be daunting. Get creative with calendars, chore charts, and coordination strategies. Color-code children's activities or appointments. Have a central family command center for posting schedules, assignments, and announcements. Embrace technology by using shared calendars and reminder systems. Most importantly, be flexible - no matter how carefully planned, things rarely go exactly as scheduled with lots of kids.

Encourage Independence and Teamwork

Give children age-appropriate responsibilities and foster independence. Designate areas like backpacks, hooks, and bathroom cabinets for each child’s belongings. Assign chores based on their skills and interests. Build teamwork by having kids work together on tasks and care for younger siblings. This builds self-reliance and eases the burden of parenting multiple children.

Involve Kids in Planning

Get input from the children when making family plans and decisions. Have regular family meetings to discuss schedules, issues, and ideas. Ask for suggestions when meal planning, arranging activities, or making household rules. Kids who feel their voices are heard will be more motivated to cooperate. This can also teach problem-solving skills.

Spend One-on-One Time

Make sure to carve out special time with each child individually. Connecting one-on-one amidst the family bustle makes kids feel valued. Keep it simple - even just having a conversation while folding laundry or playing a quick game before bed. It doesn't need to be long, just consistent. This can nurture the parent-child bond.

Create Special Traditions 

Unique family traditions build identity and togetherness. Have a weekly family game night, monthly camping trips, annual cabin weekends, or other special rituals. These shared experiences and memories can be treasured touchpoints as children grow up. Customs like yearly themed photos, holiday food traditions, and birthday rituals also unite large families.  

Use a “Tag Team” Approach

Co-parent strategically with a partner or other adults in the household. Trade off on responsibilities, each taking a set of kids to supervise while the other parent handles competing needs. Hand off parenting duties after each gets some one-on-one time. Two adults make it easier to give kids individual attention. If you’re doing it alone, don’t hesitate to ask friends and family for help.

Prioritize Connection with Your Partner 

Make couple time a priority, even if it's just half an hour after the kids go to bed. Raising a large family can be stressful on relationships if you’re not intentional about nurturing your bond. Schedule regular date nights (even if they're at home after kids sleep). Escape for weekends away when possible. Checking in frequently and supporting each other are key.

Accept that Perfection is Impossible

Let go of perfectionism or comparing yourself to unrealistic standards. With a huge variety of needs, temperaments, ages, and developmental stages, chaos and mistakes are inevitable. Focus on progress over perfection. Celebrate the small wins and don't obsess over what's still undone - there will always be more to do with lots of kids.

Laugh and Find Humor in the Craziness

When parenting gets overwhelming, humor and laughter can work wonders. Letting yourself see the comedy in crazy parenting mishaps makes challenges feel lighter. Kids also thrive when parents model humor, laughter, and not taking things too seriously. Share funny family stories and inside jokes. A family that laughs together, stays together.

Make Time for Self-Care

Taking good care of yourself, despite busy schedules and demands, better equips you to handle a lot of responsibility. Make small windows each day for simple self-care rituals like enjoying a cup of coffee, listening to a podcast, taking a bath, or reading an inspiring book. Also lean on other adult helpers like grandparents who can cover you while you recharge.

Tap into a Community of Support  

Connect with a community of people who understand the realities of raising a large family. This could be extended family, friends with several kids, parents you meet at school, or online groups. Swap survival tips, vent about challenges, share resources and hand-me-downs. It helps to know you aren’t alone in both the joys and struggles. 

Focus on Making Memories

Rather than checking items off productivity lists each day, shift focus to simple pleasures. Squeeze in a family dance party after dinner, tell silly stories at bedtime, venture out on spontaneous mini-adventures, get ice cream on a random weeknight just because. The days are long but the years are short - enjoy time together as a family while you can.

Embrace the Rebels and Dreamers 

Parenting challenges multiply with more diverse personalities and learning styles in a bigger brood. Make space for (safely) embracing the rebels and dreamers too, not just the “easy” kids. Allow children to chart their own course within understood boundaries while guiding growth for who they are. This teaches resilience and builds self-esteem.

Let the Little Things Go

Homes with multiples kids are messy and loud - toys get scattered, dishes pile up, fingerprints abound. Choose your battles instead of trying to control everything. Have reasonable standards, then relax those when needed to keep peace and perspective. The little things really aren’t worth sweating over in the grand scheme of things.

Turn Challenges into Teachable Moments

When behavior issues come up, which is inevitable with lots of different kids, reframe these as opportunities to equip children with life skills. Coach kids through emotional regulation and conflict resolution. Use consequences not just to punish, but to help kids see how their actions impact themselves and others. These are tools they’ll use for life. 

Celebrate Small Milestones

It’s easy to only notice the major accomplishments with so much going on. Make an effort to acknowledge and celebrate the small yet meaningful milestones too - the first lost tooth, conquering a tough math concept, making a new friend. These small markers build kids’ confidence and resilience on the path to bigger achievements.

Let Love Lead the Way

On days when limits are tested and patience runs short (which will happen!), let love take the lead. Offer forgiveness readily, speak gently even when correcting, be generous with affection and praise. Meet disobedience with empathy, tantrums with understanding. Choose relationship over being right. The love you give will be returned through the bonds built.

The chaos and mess can be tiring, but they quietly cultivate strength too. The tribe mentality in big families often leads to tight bonds between siblings that last a lifetime. Love stretches to accommodate growing hearts. Laughter echoes down hallways and into each soul. The secrets to success ultimately come through embracing all the beauty that unfolds when new little lives unfold before your eyes, day by blessed (chaotic) day.